1976 - Directed by Narciso Ibáñez Serrador
 Starring Lewis Fiander, Prunella Ransome and Antonio Aranzo

 My biggest fear sitting down to write this is that it’ll devolve from a review into a rant, because virtually everything I read about the film online tells me that the general consensus is that it’s this little-seen gem, whereas I was frustrated with it for a good deal of the running time.  That’s not to say that there aren’t inspired bits here and there, great visuals and some truly eerie moments to be had, but my overall impression was that the two leads are idiots and deserve whatever they get at the hands of murderous children because they’re willfully ignorant of all warning signs indicating that they should get the hell out of town.

 The film opens with newsreel footage of numerous war atrocities, the focus being on the effect these horrors have on the innocents around the action, the children.  These scenes are wince-inducing, as they are unfortunately familiar images that we’ve seen before and will possibly see again during our lifetime.

 Tom (Fiander) and Evie (Ransome) visit the tourist-packed village of Benavis, where a pair of bodies have washed up on the shore over the course of the afternoon, covered in knife wounds.  This doesn’t seem to dampen the local celebrations which rage loudly around them, and Tom is happy to have planned to retreat to the remote island of Almanzora, where there’s a fishing village and little else; quiet and relaxing for their vacation away from their children.  They step into a shop to purchase film for the camera; Evie notices the nearby television’s horrific images from Vietnam that run on a news report.  The shopkeeper launches into a screed about how everything we do effects the children worst of all, y’know, just in case the viewer came in late and missed the opening credits montage of horrors.  Serrador is about as subtle as a slap to the face with this; it reminded me of the portions of Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood, where Keenan Ivory Wayans kept walking past shouting “MESSAGE!” when any character was spouting a moral lesson that the audience should make note of, it’s just a bit heavy handed and made me think “I GET IT, okay?”  I don’t think it would bother me had the turn with the kids been a surprise, but it’s the reason I’m watching, of course I understand that they rise up, this effort made to give a hint of reasoning to it is just amazingly obvious.  PS: Possibly the only time this film will ever be referenced in connection to a Wayans Brothers Joint, so be glad you were here for that historic moment.

Back at the film, Evie is 6 months pregnant with their 3^rd child, which I’m sure is just a wonderful condition in which to travel to a remote fishing village via a rented boat the size of my bathtub, but she cheerfully goes along for the ride and they set out in the tiny craft.  Arriving on Almanzora, they are greeted on the docks by a group of children fishing or generally milling about, who don’t really react to them at all except with blank stares.  This would be irritating but something you could ignore, so I’m with our heroes at this point.  They head into the village, which is deserted completely, no one in sight, which is a relief to Tom, who relishes the dead quiet. 

 The enter the local bar, only to find it empty as well, the television showing static and abandoned cups of coffee on the table.  This is where I’d personally start thinking that maybe we should start heading back to the docks, but our heroes instead ignore all of this, Evie stays in the bar to have a beverage and rest while Tom goes to the grocery store around the corner in search of food.  He finds the grocery store equally deserted, collects their supplies and doesn’t notice the dead body that we see from the camera’s vantage point, even though I’d imagine the store to be the size of my closet, considering the population of the village.  Evie gets a strange phone call (from a phone that rings like a school bell rather than a telephone, it’s rather startling) at the bar, only to have no one respond on the other end, then Tom returns with provisions.  They eat; Tom answers the next phone call, only to have the person on the other end speaking German to him, which he’s unable to understand, though they sound obviously distressed.

 They decide to try the hotel, which is as empty as everything else, but there are German passports in the cubbyholes for rooms 6 & 7 behind the desk, so Tom decides to investigate upstairs to see if anyone is in those rooms and finds no one.  Evie is happy to have finally spotted an older man down the street as Tom comes back downstairs, but they’re both horrified when an adolescent girl approaches the elderly man and kills him (off-camera) with his own cane!

 Tom breaks things up, but the girl laughs and scampers away, so he places the body into a nearby courtyard, only to have strange noises draw him back to find a group of children playing a macabre game with the corpse, using it as a piñata!  

 This is where the film loses me a good deal, because I’d leave the island now.  Or beat the shit out of these kids, because what the hell is going on, y’know?  But Tom instead lies to Evie about what he’s seen, indicating that the girl might’ve hurt the old man accidently, she got carried away or some nonsense like this, which Evie reluctantly tries to accept, having stayed behind in the hotel doorway, placing the action out of her line of sight.  She doesn’t seem to be fully buying it though, and (finally) suggests that maybe they should leave, but no, Tom wants to go and play Tom Tourist, Curious Detective.  The eventually encounter one of the fathers of the children (Aranzo), who offers little information beyond ‘the children have gone mad’ the previous night.

 The film has some great visuals, liberal use of that Euro-horror tempera paint blood and manages a few creepy moments, but ultimately the film felt too long for my tastes, and not as subtle as it thinks it is indicating why the children turn on the adults.  The special features on the disc indicate that Serrador has a rather high opinion of the film and its message (and somehow doesn’t even think of the children as ‘bad guys’ if I understood the interview correctly) but still has a major distaste for his lead Fiander, and evidently tried to get Anthony Hopkins for the role, which would’ve made for a different film, one imagines.

 The film is an interesting watch, predating Children Of The Corn by years but feels overlong to me at just shy of 2 hours.

 It’s worth a rental to see if it’s to your taste, but I came away from it wishing that the leads had reacted to anything happening around them in what I would call a realistic fashion; they seem woefully irresponsible considering Evie’s situation and the presence of a boat in the harbor, why would they stick around this creepy place as long as they do?

 6/10